Of lately, I've noticed alot of my friends, and myself included, are having problems with some of their friends not acting very friend-like. You know, friendships need their own kind of maintenance just like a relationship does! If you don't treat them right, they are just going to feel like you don't care for them as a friend and move on with their life. Here are a few simple tricks you can use to make a friend feel special without seeming like you are trying to be under their arm all the time.
1) When you call your friends house/cell phone and don't get an answer, don't hang up! Leave a voice message!
This is a great way to show that you really do care about your friend and it doesn't take any longer then a few moments out of your day. Just say in your voicemail that you were calling just to see how they were or because you wanted to chat with them about something. DON'T make it sound too serious and DON'T make it sound like you did it because you're bored. There is NOTHING worse then hearing someone say they called you up just because they're bored. That's makes them feel like they are a last resort on your list! You don't have to do it EVERY time you call their phone, but once or twice a month is okay.
2) If both you and your friend have a MySpace or other social site profile, leave them a message with something you think will make them laugh!
There is nothing better that screams, "You're my friend!" then logging into your profile and seeing that a friend of yours sent you a message with something they thought you would find funny. Seeing that you took the time out to send them something to make them smile will keep you on the top of their list.
3) Try hanging out a little more with them on a one-on-one bases
This one might seem like something you should do when you're in a relationship with somebody but it's also needed in friendships as well. When the only time your friend sees you is when you're out with a group of friends, they could feel more like an accessory for a good time then your actual friend. Having fun with your friend on a one-on-one bases will give them time to loosen up a bit more and not have to worry about social status. I mean, come on! EVERYONE feels more comfortable to make a joke or fart when it's just one other person around!
4) Ask them a deep question every once in a while
Again, this might seem like something you would do in a relationship but it works in friendships as well. Friends can feel like you are using them for shallow reasons if all you do is hang out and crack jokes. Everyone wants to have a friend that they can talk to about personal matters and get a serious answer from them. Asking them a deep question like "How do you feel about relationships?" or "What do you think about the economy situation going on?" shows them that they can be open about their thoughts and that you do care about them. Even if their answer isn't that long, trust me, they do appreciate the thought that went behind asking it.
5) Just drop by sometimes, unannounced
I'm not saying to do it 2 or 3 times a week but every once in a while, just stopping by their house without warning can show that you really want to hang with them. Most people like the spontaneous-ness of it and it makes hanging out that much more interesting while you figure out what to do. It also shows them that they were on your mind and that you really do think of them as fun. But, as I mention earlier, don't make it seem like you did it just because you had nothing better to do. That kind of spoils the special-ness of it.
6) If you can't afford a birthday gift, at least get them a birthday card/Getting them a belated birthday card/gift is acceptable and still appreciated!
Ok, this tip can apply to ANY major occasion in your friend's life. You can go out and buy a card from Dollar General/Family Dollar/Dollar Tree for 50 cents! I know ANYBODY can scrap up 50 cents if you try hard enough. Getting them a card shows them that even though you didn't have enough money to get them something really great, you wanted to give something to show that you appreciate, and care about, them. Make the card really special by writing a personal message on the inside. It doesn't even have to be a paragraph, just a few sentences can make a 50 cent card seem like gold to your friend.
Forgot? That's ok. On the day that you realize you missed the event, run out and get a card right away! Write a long message saying how much you're grateful for them being a friend and it should at least have the value of silver to your friend! Including the card with a gift will up the value to gold! *lol* But the next time around, make sure you do something extra special for them, or else it will look bad on you!
These tips are just basic guidelines! Everyone's friendships are different and should NEVER be treated the same as someone else's. Take these tips and edit them so they fit into your life and the lifestyle of your friendships and friends!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
What Is A Healthy Romantic Relationship?
One of my online buddies asked me about this the other day and it made me realize that not alot of people know the answer to it. It will be different for different people but the basics of it will be the same.
A healthy romantic relationship is about give and take, living, and growing. I know you are thinking, "That is so cliche" but hear me out for a minute. Being in a romantic relationship isn't about being with your partner all the time. In fact, a sign of an unhealthy relationship is being with your romantic partner ALL THE TIME! If you are with your girlfriend or boyfriend all the time, how can you appreciate them in the first place?
Couples need their separate alone time...if they don't get it then the relationship would just lose its luster. I'm not saying spend months or even weeks apart but at least spend a weekend or 2 a month away from your partner. And I'm talking about willing time apart. Counting the time you spend away from your partner because you are working or something along those lines DOES NOT COUNT! I know, at work you are probably missing your partner like crazy but trust me...being forcefully away from your partner isn't the same as willingly giving your partner space.
Having mutual time away from each other will give you something to look forward to when it IS time to be together. When you willingly spend time away from your partner, your mind is free to wonder and ponder, PLUS, it gives you time to do things that you need to get done. You can clean your house, finish up paperwork, think about future plans, and other things that when you're around the love of your life you just don't want to do because you want to spend all your time with them.
Another thing that most people don't realize is that the love of your life HAS to be your partner-in-crime in a sense. You guys have to have common ground or else, well, not to sound bitter or anything, it just ain't gonna last. And no amount of counseling or time apart is going to repair what was broken in the first place. If you are the kind of guy who likes to go out a couple of nights a week, loves to fish, and flop in front of your TV and play video games for long periods of time...you are going to need a girl who likes 2 out of 3 of those things. If you have a girlfriend who hates all 3 of the favorite things you like to do then...I'm pretty sure after a year or two, if the relationship lasts that long, you are going to either 1) grow bored of her or 2) grow annoyed with her. Both aren't good to feel towards your partner. This brings me to my next point...
Partners need to have a fair bit of common ground if you are going to be in a healthy relationship together but having EVERYTHING in common can be dangerous ground to walk on too. If you like all of the same things, it doesn't leave anywhere for you to grow together. You will fall into a cycle of same-ness it will leave you feeling uncomfortable and bored. You need something to thrive off of, need things to learn and new activities that you can try together. If you like football and your partner doesn't, you can have fun showing them the joys of it. If your partner likes art and it just isn't your thing, you can learn something by going with your partner to an art show. Having common interests yet having differences leads to giving and taking, which is essential to keeping the luster and life in a relationship!
If you are with your partner because of a materialistic reason, then you are staying in a relationship for ALL THE WRONG REASONS! Being with your partner because they have a job or a car isn't a good enough reason to be with someone. In fact, make a list of why you are with your partner and cross out anything that is physical or materialistic. Some examples: because they have a car, because they have a job, because they have money, because they give you a ride, because they give you stuff, because they are sexy, because they agree to do most of what you say, because they have big boobs, because they have a pretty smile, because they love you, ect. All these are NOT reasons to be with your partner.
You should want to be with your partner because they make you feel good, because they care about you, they help you better yourself, because you enjoy time with them. You should want to be with your partner because you feel that even if the relationship ended, you would still have a great friend and someone who will always be there for you, through thick or thin. Someone that you see in your life for a long time because of the simple fact that they help make life easier for you not because of the sex, car, or money but because they want to share life with you at an easy, encouraging pace.
You might be thinking right now that, with the way I'm talking, you should be thinking about marriage from the first date. NO, that is not what I'm saying. I can understand that there are people out there that AREN'T looking for forevers and always but something steady and enjoyable. Even if you only want something commit-full in the here and now, you still have to consider these possibilities. Relationships are like oceans, even when they are calm, you can still see and feel the changing of the tide and the movement of the water. If your relationship has stopped moving forward, if there isn't any more movement, not even a change in the tide then it is time for you two to go your separate ways.
A relationship should always be moving, changing, growing together yet growing individually as well. It should be something familiar yet always bring something new to the table every once in a while. There shouldn't be okay days, there should be great days. And yes, there will be bad days! EVERY relationship is going to have bad days and hard patches but you have to think about why the bad days are happening. If you only have a great day every month or even every week...then maybe the person you are with just isn't healthy for you.
In the end, these are only the basics and guidelines to a health romantic relationship. Everyone is different and everyone wants something different from the person they are with. Some people are just looking to fill the loneliness while others are looking for something that could be forever and always, with or without marriage.
I'm the kind of person that I could be in a relationship and not really take it personal if I was with that person for 7 years and still not heard "The Question". Now, mind you, if we've been together for 12 years we might as well get married because we have to be CRAZY about each other if we are still together that long in the state the world is in now a days. I want someone that I can sit down and play video games with one day and go out to a car show the next and then the next day just screw each other's brains out in bed. Maybe every once in a while I would want a romantic dinner at home or a walk on the beach or to go out on the town. I would be quite happy with my man working at McDonald's, as long as he is trying to move forward and take care of his responsibilities. I'm a simple kind of girl with a kinky, romantic twist on life.
Different strokes for different folks people but we all long for the same thing...something stable, healthy, and just for us. Think about it guys...really think about it and tell me what you think! I really want feedback on this one.
A healthy romantic relationship is about give and take, living, and growing. I know you are thinking, "That is so cliche" but hear me out for a minute. Being in a romantic relationship isn't about being with your partner all the time. In fact, a sign of an unhealthy relationship is being with your romantic partner ALL THE TIME! If you are with your girlfriend or boyfriend all the time, how can you appreciate them in the first place?
Couples need their separate alone time...if they don't get it then the relationship would just lose its luster. I'm not saying spend months or even weeks apart but at least spend a weekend or 2 a month away from your partner. And I'm talking about willing time apart. Counting the time you spend away from your partner because you are working or something along those lines DOES NOT COUNT! I know, at work you are probably missing your partner like crazy but trust me...being forcefully away from your partner isn't the same as willingly giving your partner space.
Having mutual time away from each other will give you something to look forward to when it IS time to be together. When you willingly spend time away from your partner, your mind is free to wonder and ponder, PLUS, it gives you time to do things that you need to get done. You can clean your house, finish up paperwork, think about future plans, and other things that when you're around the love of your life you just don't want to do because you want to spend all your time with them.
Another thing that most people don't realize is that the love of your life HAS to be your partner-in-crime in a sense. You guys have to have common ground or else, well, not to sound bitter or anything, it just ain't gonna last. And no amount of counseling or time apart is going to repair what was broken in the first place. If you are the kind of guy who likes to go out a couple of nights a week, loves to fish, and flop in front of your TV and play video games for long periods of time...you are going to need a girl who likes 2 out of 3 of those things. If you have a girlfriend who hates all 3 of the favorite things you like to do then...I'm pretty sure after a year or two, if the relationship lasts that long, you are going to either 1) grow bored of her or 2) grow annoyed with her. Both aren't good to feel towards your partner. This brings me to my next point...
Partners need to have a fair bit of common ground if you are going to be in a healthy relationship together but having EVERYTHING in common can be dangerous ground to walk on too. If you like all of the same things, it doesn't leave anywhere for you to grow together. You will fall into a cycle of same-ness it will leave you feeling uncomfortable and bored. You need something to thrive off of, need things to learn and new activities that you can try together. If you like football and your partner doesn't, you can have fun showing them the joys of it. If your partner likes art and it just isn't your thing, you can learn something by going with your partner to an art show. Having common interests yet having differences leads to giving and taking, which is essential to keeping the luster and life in a relationship!
If you are with your partner because of a materialistic reason, then you are staying in a relationship for ALL THE WRONG REASONS! Being with your partner because they have a job or a car isn't a good enough reason to be with someone. In fact, make a list of why you are with your partner and cross out anything that is physical or materialistic. Some examples: because they have a car, because they have a job, because they have money, because they give you a ride, because they give you stuff, because they are sexy, because they agree to do most of what you say, because they have big boobs, because they have a pretty smile, because they love you, ect. All these are NOT reasons to be with your partner.
You should want to be with your partner because they make you feel good, because they care about you, they help you better yourself, because you enjoy time with them. You should want to be with your partner because you feel that even if the relationship ended, you would still have a great friend and someone who will always be there for you, through thick or thin. Someone that you see in your life for a long time because of the simple fact that they help make life easier for you not because of the sex, car, or money but because they want to share life with you at an easy, encouraging pace.
You might be thinking right now that, with the way I'm talking, you should be thinking about marriage from the first date. NO, that is not what I'm saying. I can understand that there are people out there that AREN'T looking for forevers and always but something steady and enjoyable. Even if you only want something commit-full in the here and now, you still have to consider these possibilities. Relationships are like oceans, even when they are calm, you can still see and feel the changing of the tide and the movement of the water. If your relationship has stopped moving forward, if there isn't any more movement, not even a change in the tide then it is time for you two to go your separate ways.
A relationship should always be moving, changing, growing together yet growing individually as well. It should be something familiar yet always bring something new to the table every once in a while. There shouldn't be okay days, there should be great days. And yes, there will be bad days! EVERY relationship is going to have bad days and hard patches but you have to think about why the bad days are happening. If you only have a great day every month or even every week...then maybe the person you are with just isn't healthy for you.
In the end, these are only the basics and guidelines to a health romantic relationship. Everyone is different and everyone wants something different from the person they are with. Some people are just looking to fill the loneliness while others are looking for something that could be forever and always, with or without marriage.
I'm the kind of person that I could be in a relationship and not really take it personal if I was with that person for 7 years and still not heard "The Question". Now, mind you, if we've been together for 12 years we might as well get married because we have to be CRAZY about each other if we are still together that long in the state the world is in now a days. I want someone that I can sit down and play video games with one day and go out to a car show the next and then the next day just screw each other's brains out in bed. Maybe every once in a while I would want a romantic dinner at home or a walk on the beach or to go out on the town. I would be quite happy with my man working at McDonald's, as long as he is trying to move forward and take care of his responsibilities. I'm a simple kind of girl with a kinky, romantic twist on life.
Different strokes for different folks people but we all long for the same thing...something stable, healthy, and just for us. Think about it guys...really think about it and tell me what you think! I really want feedback on this one.
What Is Sensually Unlimited?
Hi, my name is Eboni Shante' AKA D.A. Athren. I'm 22 years old and have been called by my friends at times "an unlicensed sex therapist with a twist of relationship counselling". *lol* I'm painfully single but I've been in a lot of deep commitments and lost greatly during the little time that I've been on this earth. I decided, since my advice has helped so many people, both young and old, solve their problems, with friends and lovers, that I should put it up for the whole world to see.
So... now it all boils down to what this is! "Sensually Unlimited" is a blog about everything you need to know about modern day commitments both friendship and relationship wise. The times have changed SO much that even the most simple of rules to keeping good tidings with others aren't taught any more or people have just lost sight of them in the swell of vanity and selfishness that society (the media) has projected out.
"Sensually Unlimited" will touch base with these simple principles and turn them around to accommodate the changing wave of society. You'll find EVERYTHING here from basic relationship and friendship guides to sexual encounters 101. You might read one day about how to keep the intimacy in your relationship and then the very next day read about how you can make sure your best friend feels appreciated! You'll find updated first date plans to ways to make a friends' night out affordable for the crunched wallet. And guys, you'll even find easy-to-make-get-them-to-say-"Oh My God!" recipes for if you really wanna impress that lucky someone. These recipes are soooo simple that even an 11 year old could do it without setting the house on fire!
This place will be your Wal-Mart of information about anything and EVERYTHING involving another person. I SOOO look forward to meeting you all and helping you make the most out of life!
So... now it all boils down to what this is! "Sensually Unlimited" is a blog about everything you need to know about modern day commitments both friendship and relationship wise. The times have changed SO much that even the most simple of rules to keeping good tidings with others aren't taught any more or people have just lost sight of them in the swell of vanity and selfishness that society (the media) has projected out.
"Sensually Unlimited" will touch base with these simple principles and turn them around to accommodate the changing wave of society. You'll find EVERYTHING here from basic relationship and friendship guides to sexual encounters 101. You might read one day about how to keep the intimacy in your relationship and then the very next day read about how you can make sure your best friend feels appreciated! You'll find updated first date plans to ways to make a friends' night out affordable for the crunched wallet. And guys, you'll even find easy-to-make-get-them-to-say-"Oh My God!" recipes for if you really wanna impress that lucky someone. These recipes are soooo simple that even an 11 year old could do it without setting the house on fire!
This place will be your Wal-Mart of information about anything and EVERYTHING involving another person. I SOOO look forward to meeting you all and helping you make the most out of life!
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